Reclaiming Your Identity in Motherhood: You Are More Than Just “Mom”
Motherhood changes everything - but it shouldn’t mean losing yourself in the process.
As a perinatal therapist supporting moms across New Jersey and beyond, I hear it all the time:
“I love my kids… but I don’t feel like me anymore.”
Whether you’re deep in the early postpartum fog, navigating toddlerhood, or raising multiple kids while trying to hold it all together, identity loss in motherhood is real—and painful.
That’s why I hosted a recent workshop inside the Empowered Moms Community called:
You Are More Than Just “Mom”: Reclaiming Your Identity After Baby
This conversation hit home for so many moms who are quietly struggling with:
Postpartum identity loss
High-functioning anxiety in motherhood
Feeling like they’re stuck in survival mode
The guilt of wanting something more outside of being a mom
Let’s talk about what identity really looks like after becoming a parent and how you can gently reconnect with who you are.:
What Is Identity Loss in Motherhood?
Identity loss in motherhood refers to the experience of feeling disconnected from your former self - your passions, personality, goals, and even your sense of purpose.
You may find yourself thinking:
“I don’t know what I like to do anymore.”
“Everything revolves around my kids.”
“I used to have hobbies, friendships, energy… where did that go?”
This is especially common among millennial moms, many of whom are juggling careers, mental load, relationships, and the pressure to “do it all” - often while battling postpartum anxiety or perfectionism under the surface.
The Identity Anchor Framework: How to Reconnect with Yourself
In the workshop, I introduced the Identity Anchor Framework, a simple yet powerful way to reflect on the core parts of yourself that may feel buried right now.
Identity Anchors are the values, hobbies, and traits that have always been a part of who you are - even before motherhood. They’re the bridge between your pre-baby self and the version of you you’re becoming now.
5 Identity Anchors to Explore:
Creativity – What helps you express yourself? (writing, decorating, music)
Connection – Who helps you feel seen and understood?
Growth – What inspires you to learn, evolve, or dream?
Body + Wellness – What makes you feel physically alive or grounded?
Values + Voice – What matters to you? Where are you showing up (or shrinking)?
Even spending 10–15 minutes a day nurturing one of these anchors can make a difference in your mental health.
Micro-Moments: Small Wins That Help You Feel Like You
According to the Maternal Mental Health Alliance, even brief moments of identity-affirming activity—called micro-moments - can reduce stress and improve maternal mental health.
Try these micro-moments:
🎧 Play music you love on the school run
☕ Drink your coffee without multitasking
🧘 Stretch for 5 minutes before bed
💬 Call or text a friend who knew you before kids
✍️ Journal 3 lines about your thoughts - not your to-do list
These tiny actions might seem insignificant, but they’re actually helping you reconnect with your sense of self—and model emotional balance for your children.
This Isn’t Selfish - It’s Self-Modeling
So many moms hesitate to focus on themselves because it feels selfish. But it’s not.
In fact, research shows that children whose mothers maintain parts of their pre-motherhood identity demonstrate higher emotional intelligence and independence as they grow.
When you take care of your identity, you’re modeling:
Respect for boundaries
The value of personal growth
Healthy relationships
Balance between responsibilities and self-care
Resilience through life transitions
Join the Empowered Moms Community
If this resonates with you, I invite you to join us inside the Empowered Moms Community - a monthly support space for millennial moms navigating motherhood, anxiety, and identity shifts.
You’ll get access to:
🎙 Monthly workshops + replays
📝 Printable resources like the Identity Anchor Tracker
💬 Ongoing support inside our private group chat
🤝 Real connections with moms who get it
📍Virtual and accessible for moms in New Jersey and beyond
👉 Click here to join the Empowered Moms Community
Danielle Smith, LCSW, PMH‑C
Therapist for Millennial Moms in New Jersey
Offering virtual therapy for postpartum anxiety, high-functioning anxiety, and maternal identity loss