Mental Health & Breastfeeding: Giving Yourself Permission to Choose What’s Right for You
By Danielle Smith, LCSW, PMH-C
The Pressure to Breastfeed Can Take a Mental Toll
“Breast is best.”
“Breastfeeding is natural.”
“It gives your baby the best start in life.”
If you’re a parent, you’ve heard these messages everywhere. And while they may be meant to encourage, they often have the opposite effect—leaving new moms feeling overwhelmed, ashamed, or guilty when breastfeeding doesn’t go as expected, or isn’t the right fit.
Let’s be clear: you are a good mom no matter how you feed your baby.
Expectations vs. Reality = Emotional Strain
Many women envision their breastfeeding journey during pregnancy. Cue the peaceful, pain-free moments you’ve seen in movies or on Instagram. But few people talk about:
Pain, engorgement, or cracked nipples
Clogged ducts, mastitis, or nursing strikes
The stress of constant pumping or supplementing
When reality doesn’t match that idealized image, it can trigger guilt, anxiety, and emotional distress. Add in professionals who push the “breast is best” narrative without considering your mental health—and it’s no wonder so many moms struggle.
Here’s the truth: breastfeeding is not “liquid gold” if it’s damaging your emotional well-being. Formula is a valid, healthy, and sometimes life-saving alternative. And your mental health matters.
How to Cope with a Difficult Breastfeeding Journey
1. Allow Yourself to Grieve
Maybe you imagined a joyful, effortless experience—and instead, you’re in tears every time you latch. That loss of expectation deserves to be acknowledged.
Grieve what you hoped for. Feel the frustration. Say, “This sucks.” Because naming the pain is the first step to healing.
2. Give Yourself Permission to Stop - When You’re Ready
Sometimes, trusted loved ones can see the toll before you do. And while the choice is always yours, it’s okay to consider the cost breastfeeding is having on your mental health.
You don’t need anyone’s permission to stop. Not your doctor’s. Not your lactation consultant’s. You are the expert on your body and your needs.
Your baby needs a healthy, present parent more than they need breastmilk.
3. Do Not Blame Yourself
You didn’t do anything wrong. If breastfeeding didn’t work the way you planned, you are not a failure. You are a mom doing your best.
Surround yourself with people who will remind you of that, and speak these words to your reflection:
“I am a good mom. My feeding journey does not define me.”
5 Ways to Bond Without Breastfeeding
Bonding doesn’t require a latch. Here are five beautiful ways to connect with your baby:
Eye contact during bottle feeds – Put away distractions and gaze into your baby’s eyes.
Skin-to-skin contact – One hour a day can regulate baby’s body temp and reduce stress - for both of you.
Look in the mirror together – Your baby loves faces, especially yours.
Gentle baby massage – Helps with bonding, relaxation, and physical development.
Talk, sing, or read aloud – Your voice is your baby’s favorite sound.
You are building a loving connection - no matter how you feed.
Final Words of Support
If you take away anything from this, let it be this:
🌿 You are a good mom.
🌿 You deserve grace, support, and rest.
🌿 Your mental health is just as important as your baby’s nutrition.
If you’re struggling to feel like yourself and wondering if postpartum therapy could help, please reach out. This season is hard - but you don’t have to go through it alone.
📞Schedule a free consultation
📧 danielle@empoweredcounselingnj.com
