How to Cope with a Miscarriage
By Danielle Smith, LCSW, PMH-C
You are not alone - and your grief matters.
The loss of a pregnancy, at any stage, is devastating. Whether it happens in the early weeks or later in the second or third trimester, this kind of loss is real, significant, and deserving of space, support, and compassion.
While miscarriage is often hidden behind silence, it's far more common than people think. According to Postpartum Support International:
10–15% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage
80% of these losses occur in the first trimester
14% in the second trimester
6% in the third trimester
Despite how common miscarriage is, many parents suffer in isolation due to stigma, shame, or lack of acknowledgement. You deserve better. Your story matters.
Common Emotions After Miscarriage
From the moment you saw a positive pregnancy test, a bond began. Dreams began forming. Holidays, birthdays, tiny clothes, sleepy snuggles - you imagined it all. When that vision is suddenly lost, the emotional impact is overwhelming.
Here are some of the many valid emotions you may be feeling:
Depression – sadness, loss of interest, withdrawal, changes in sleep or appetite, and emotional numbness.
Denial – a deep disbelief that this could be your new reality. “This can’t be happening.”
Anger – toward yourself, your partner, your doctor, or even your higher power. Anger is part of grief.
Guilt – wondering if it was something you did, or feeling like your body failed you. (It didn’t. This is not your fault.)
Envy – seeing pregnancy announcements or baby showers might trigger intense sadness or jealousy. This, too, is normal.
Whatever you’re feeling - it is valid. You don’t have to rush through it or explain it away.
Tips to Cope and Begin Healing
1. Create a Memory
Honoring your baby’s existence can be healing. Consider:
Naming your baby
Planting a tree or flower in their memory
Creating a keepsake box or memorial
Writing them a letter
2. Take It One Day (or One Moment) at a Time
Some days will feel impossible. Others will feel lighter. Both are part of the process. Avoid big decisions for now. Give yourself permission to simply exist.
3. Communicate with Your Partner
Grief may look different for each of you. Be open. One of you may want to talk, the other may not. Respect each other's process and find gentle ways to stay connected.
4. Listen to Your Needs
Rest when you need to. Move when it feels good. Cry. Sleep. Be still. Avoid harmful coping mechanisms like drugs or alcohol. You are allowed to fall apart - and rebuild slowly.
5. Journal Your Emotions
Writing down your thoughts can be a powerful way to process grief. There’s no wrong way to journal - just let the feelings flow.
6. Lean on Your Support System
You shouldn’t have to carry this alone. Ask for what you need - whether it’s someone to talk to, someone to help with chores, or simply someone to sit with you.
7. Seek Professional Support
Individual therapy or a miscarriage support group can offer immense relief. Talking to someone who understands this specific kind of loss can help you begin to heal.
👉 Click here for support resources and groups
👉 Schedule a free therapy consultation
Final Thoughts
You are so deserving of care during this time. Grief after miscarriage is not something to “get over” - it’s something to move through, slowly and gently. One breath at a time.
It may not feel like it now, but you will feel peace again. You will smile again. Allow yourself to feel, to grieve, and to heal. You are not broken—you are grieving something deeply meaningful.
